This one is pretty long, so I’m just going to jump right into it. Here are my top 20 favorite guilty pleasure movies; however, this is in no way a list of recommendations. They pretty much all suck…but I don’t care.

20.) SCREWED-

Why I enjoyed it: It has to be something about Norm MacDonald, he is on this list twice, and considering that he’s only made 2 movies it should be fairly obvious. This movie is horribly written, awfully acted, but Danny DeVito and Dave Chapelle really make me laugh in it.

Best Line: “Does your mother know where you’re at?” “Gimme the money!”

19.) COCKTAIL-

Why I enjoyed it: My Dad and I were driving to New Mexico for Christmas one year and we stopped at a Love’s gas station to get snacks, drinks…and an impulse buy of the soundtrack to a movie called ‘Cocktail.’ I listened to that tape over and over and over, bad music from Beach Boys, Little Richard, Elvis, Robert Palmer and Starship. I wore out the tape eventually and around the age of 8 started watching the movie. Over. And Over. And Over. It’s appalling how bad this movie is, but the first half is almost like Full Metal Jacket, in that I don’t remember much about the second half. But goddamn if Tom Cruise didn’t have some nice bartending flare skills…

Best Line: “You see, there are two kinds of people in this world: the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle…”

18.) 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU-

Why I enjoyed it: After I saw this movie I pretty much fell in love with Julia Stiles, wrote her a letter, and even got a reply back from her. It was her head-shot, and written on it were the words ‘It was cute how nervous and funny your letter was, peace…Julia Stiles.’ I lost that head-shot no more than 3 weeks afterwards and kind of cling to this movie as the memory of it. What the fuck happened to that? I think my mom threw it out…bitch.

Best Line: “Hates you with the fury of a thousand suns.”

17.) HOUSEGUEST-

Why I enjoyed it: I have no idea why I ever liked this movie. That said, I watch it whenever it comes on Starz…maybe it’s my love of Phil Hartman, because it sure as hell can’t be a love of Sinbad.

Best Line: NONE.

16.) HEARTBREAK KID (2007)-

Why I enjoyed it: This movie got ripped apart by critics, and I didn’t laugh at all when I first saw it. However, multiple viewings of it have warmed the cockles of my funny boner and now I watch it constantly. It sucks, but in my opinion it’s the last funny entry by the Farrelly Bros.

Best Line: “I smell something weird down here. Smells like ya’ll been hitting the Devil’s lettuce.”

15.) FOOLS RUSH IN-

Why I enjoyed it:  My love of Matthew Perry and my boner of Selma Hayek.

Best Line: “Chuy, hi. I’m Luke Skywalker.”

14.) SURVIVING CHRISTMAS-

Why I enjoyed it: This is the first movie on the list where I feel people will stop in their tracks and say, “Wow.”  Because this film is not up for interpretation…it fucking sucked. It’s like if “A Christmas Story” had an abortion and this is the lifeless body twitching on the floor. Yet, I still love it. Apparently the shooting on this film was so awful that James Gandolfini refused to come out of his trailer until they put together a story and script that made sense. It’s a mess and you can tell…and I watch it every year. Oh, and yes…an abortion.

Best Line: “Did you hear that? That stair squeaked. You know what we used to call that squeaky stair? The squeaky stair!”

13.) METEOR MAN-

Why I enjoyed it: This is black cinema done right. This movie also was not very well received and bombed at the box office, but I remember seeing it opening night with my dad. I loved it. I wish I could find it on DVD…

Best Line: None.

12.) HEART & SOULS-

Why I enjoyed it: Another one I saw in theaters. I’ve always had a thing for RDJ, this features the badass Charles Grodin and the always hot Elizabeth Shue. Oh, how I would stick my foot in that Shue….I don’t get that either, I’m drunk.

Best Line: I have no idea, I just remember them all singing “Walk like a Man” a lot…

11.) BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER-

Why I enjoyed it: The dialogue alone is like a 90′s enema. Paul Reubens rocks as a vampire who takes a while to die and Luke Perry does that thing where he squints while talking. This movie sucks on so many levels, and I have probably seen it over 20+ times…watch for Hilary Swank and David Arquette in their early roles.

Best Line: “You ruined my new jacket! Kill him A LOT!“

10.) MAJOR PAYNE-

Why I enjoyed it: I think I have a nostalgic love of early 90′s black cinema. Damon Wayans wrote and directed this one about a crazy drill sergeant teaching young recruits. It’s not really a bad movie, just under appreciated and formulaic.

Best Line: “I’m sorry, Mr. Handicapped Man”

9.) JUST FRIENDS-

Why I enjoyed it: Ryan Reynolds.

Best Line: Any dialogue between Ryan Reynolds and his younger brother…especially the fight scenes.

8.) AIRHEADS-

Why I enjoyed it: The only movie by Brendan Fraser that I can watch besides ‘Blast From the Past.’ In actuality this movie doesn’t suck at all…and I totally recommend it if you’ve never seen it. Between Chris Farley, Steve Buscemi, Adam Sandler, Ernie Hudson, and Judd Nelson, it’s like a comedy “True Romance” of people who starred in it before they got famous.

Best Line: “All right I know you guys think I’m a dick… cheese… burger, or whatever.”

7.) DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS- Why I enjoyed it: This one went way under the radar…it’s actually quite hard to find anyone who has seen this movie but it’s great. It features Zach Morris with black hair and an unknown Jason Segal as a horny catholic student. Horrible movie, and I haven’t seen it in years, but I really enjoyed it.

Best Line: “I can feel my heartbeat through my penis.” 

6.) GALAXY QUEST-

Why I enjoyed it: I never thought I would enjoy a Tim Allen movie, but this one cracks me up thanks to Tony Shaloub and Sam Rockwell. Definitely underrated. I really need to stop putting movies on this list that actually don’t suck…this would be one of those.

Best Line: “Let’s get out of here before they kill Guy!”

5.) DIRTY WORK-

Why I enjoyed it: Norm fucking MacDonald. Thai whores that bite off noses. Notes to self that go wrong. This is one of my favorite movies of all time.

Best Line: “Note to self, get ass wart cream for giant wart on ass.”

4.) FREDDY GOT FINGERED-

Why I enjoyed it: Here is a universally panned movie. 99.9% of anyone I have ever met or critic review HATED this film…I laughed the entire 88 minute run time. Not only do I not consider this a bad movie, but it’s borderline genius. I wish it would’ve made a little bit more so I could have seen some more Tom Green films, but maybe it was a good thing. I’m dead serious though, fuck you if you hate this movie. Fuck you up your stupid asses.

Best Line: “I only see one LeBaron, Freddy.”

3.) ARMAGEDDON-

Why I enjoyed it: Because it’s a cinematic orgasm. Everything you could ever think of that could never be plausible is in this brilliant work of cinema. Asteroid headed toward earth? No problem, we got roughneck drillers! Billy Bob Thornton almost makes you believe he gave a fuck in this movie, that’s how great it is. This also features a version of Owen Wilson’s nose that’s a lot more fucked up then movies he starred in afterwards, before CGI and movie magic. They just let that crooked shit go! It was hard choosing between either this or “Con Air”, but this felt more ridiculous.

Best Line: “American components, Russian components….ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!!”

2.) SURVIVING THE GAME-

Why I enjoyed it: What a way to ruin the classic short story “The Most Dangerous Game”, and I couldn’t be happier. Ice-T, let me repeat that…ICE-T stars as a homeless man brought to a remote cabin, only to be hunted by crazy rich white men. Hollywood needs to get on another version of this, but until then we get this gem of a flick. Oh, did I mention Gary Busey is in it, and he is one of the best actors in the film? Yeah…serious.

Best Line: Gary Busey’s monologue about Prince Henry Stout.

1.) MO’ MONEY-

Why I enjoyed it: People think I’m lying when I say if I ever became a famous screenplay writer I would immediately remake this movie. The whole thing screams 90′s. It’s awful, absolutely awful and I wish it was on Blu-Ray. Not only is Mo’ Money my favorite guilty pleasure, it genuinely is one of my favorite movies of all time. I wish I could give you an explanation why, but like faith…it’s just a feeling.

Best Line: The whole movie.